How a Chronic Illness Changed How I Parent
When I thought about being a dad, I envisioned rough-housing & belly-laughing with my kids, fun outings at our favorite restaurants, and spontaneous weekend trips around town. I was the kind of dad that was always there for his kids, and down for anything. I knew things would be hard, but that was ok. Because like everything else important in my life, I’d show up with energy, love, and the ability to rise to any occasion.
But then, life threw me a curveball.
Actually, it was more than a curve ball. Parenting with a chronic illness feels like an entirely different ballgame. At first, I didn’t realize how much my autoimmune diseases would impact my day-to-day life. But my symptoms often made it hard to be fully present. I’d be rough-housing with my kids, but have to pause because my joints seized up. They’d be excited to eat out somewhere, only to hear we couldn’t because “there’s nothing there that Dada can eat”. We’d go to a park, or a movie, or an amusement park, but then I’d suddenly vanish to a bathroom for long stretches of time. The fatigue, chronic pain, and unpredictable flare-ups made my dreams of parenting feel more like nightmares.
The Limits of My Body and the Limits of My Parenting
“... it’s not like my kids could physically see that I was sick. No matter how bad my symptoms were on a given day, all they could see is their “Dada””
I needed to adjust my expectations of what “good parenting” meant for me. But that was easier said than done. It’s hard to describe what it’s like to love your children deeply, but feel like your body is constantly holding you back from giving them the life you imagined. Even common tasks like changing a kid’s diaper, making their breakfast, or taking them to the park felt like enormous undertakings. What’s worse, it’s not like my kids could physically see my disease. No matter how bad my symptoms were on a given day, all they could see is “Dada”.
I didn’t want to be the parent who always said no because I was in pain. I didn’t want to be the parent who couldn’t play tag, or had to cancel plans last minute because my body wasn’t cooperating. I hated missing out on precious moments of childhood, both for them and myself.
How Nutritional Therapy Transformed My Parenting Experience
But when I discovered nutritional therapy, I felt like I’d been given a new lease on life. I’d always known the foundations of nutritional therapy were important, but when I started treating food as my medicine, implementing gut-healing protocols, and making supportive lifestyle changes, I slowly but surely saw significant improvements in my health.
“ I now chase them around, rough-house until their hearts are content, find at least something I can eat when we go out, take spontaneous adventures, and fully engage in activities that bring joy to our family. ”
And this didn’t just help me—it helped my family. I made delicious, nutrient-dense foods that supported my healing and my kids growth. My kids learned to listen to their body and crave nutritious food, exercise, & quality sleep. And I even noticed changes in their mood and behavior as their body got what it needed to thrive.
And perhaps best of all, I’m now more present with my kids. I’m rarely sitting on the sidelines. I now chase them around, rough-house until their hearts are content, find at least something I can eat when we go out, take spontaneous adventures, and fully engage in activities that bring joy to our family. My chronic illnesses are still a part of my life, and consistently giving my body what it needs requires great discipline. But it’s well worth it because my chronic illness no longer defines my well-being, or my parenting.
So do I let my kids eat “junk food”?
As a parent who has autoimmune diseases and is now a nutritional therapy practitioner, I’m now acutely aware of the effect processed foods, sugar, & junk foods can have on us. But when my kids beg for treats, it’s hard to do what I think is best for their body, while not being a constant kill-joy. I often sit in the tension of wanting my children to have fun and be part of the social experiences that come with food (birthdays, holiday parties, family gatherings, etc)—and wanting to protect them from eating too much processed food and somehow ending up with the same conditions I have, or worse.
I also don’t want my kids to develop a stigma around food. I want my kids to experience the joy food can bring. I want them to be able to have a slice of cake at a party, and even a 2nd slice if it’s really good cake. To have a movie night and make ice cream sundaes with all the toppings, and none of the guilt. To take advantage of their cultural inheritance by savoring their Dadi Ji’s (grandma in Hindi) Gulab Jamun (if you’ve never had one, think “deep-fried cake drenched in syrup).
“I want to pass on good feelings around food, nutrition, and lifestyle. Not the fear & insecurity that causes me to look at chocolate chip cookies like rat poison.”
So what do I do? I’m trying to get better at creating space for 2 things to be true: Yes: it’s important for kids to eat wholesome, nutrient-packed meals on a regular basis in order to lay a solid foundation for their health. And yes: occasionally eating and enjoying treats are a great way to make core memories with friends & family. Embracing both can feel tricky, especially when you live with an autoimmune disease that requires constant vigilance and care around what you eat. But while my kids share my genes, they don’t share my chronic illness; and they don’t share my trauma from certain foods hurting my body. I want to pass on good feelings around food, nutrition, and lifestyle. Not the fear & insecurity that causes me to look at chocolate chip cookies like rat poison. So while I monitor how much processed food my kids eat, I make space for them to enjoy treats.
Progress, not Perfection
Parenting is hard. Parenting with a chronic illness is not any easier. But I’ve found out how to not let a chronic illness stop me from being an engaged, loving, and fun parent. With the right tools and support, it’s possible to navigate both my health, and my role as a parent.
“...it’s never too late to start making changes that support your health, and your family’s well-being.”
If you or someone you know is a parent and struggling with a chronic illness; please know that there is hope. It will never be “perfect”, but there can be progress. And it’s never too late to start making changes that support your health, and your family’s well-being.
